Bby, do you realize it’s been four months already?
I don’t know why, but saying “four months” feels weird to me. It sounds short when I say it out loud, but when I think about everything that has happened between us, all the conversations we’ve had, all the little fights, all the times we missed each other, all the kisses, and all the random things that somehow became “our thing”... it feels like you’ve been part of my life for so much longer.
And before you read everything I want to say to you today, I need you to do something for me first. It’s easy, I promise. Jangan ngeluh dulu ya, sayang. I know you. ♡
Put this little memory back together for me.
Tap two pieces to swap them.
Happy 4 Months, Odie.
Four months of you being the person I look for, the person I miss, the person I want to tell things to, and somehow the person I still can’t get enough of.
Bby, I think one of my favorite things about us is how many small things have become important to me without me noticing when it happened. Things that probably look ordinary from the outside somehow feel different because they’re yours.
Aku makin terbiasa ada kamu, sayang. Bukan terbiasa dalam arti semuanya jadi biasa aja, tapi terbiasa dalam arti kamu udah jadi bagian dari hari hari aku. I naturally look for you now. I want to know how your day went, what annoyed you, what made you laugh, even the random things that probably don’t matter to anyone else.
And maybe that’s what being this comfortable with you has done to me. You didn’t become less special because I got used to you. You became part of what makes my days feel right.
And then there’s your voice.
I don’t think you realize how addicted I’m starting to get to hearing you, bby. When I miss you and you’re working, busy, or just can’t be with me, sometimes I go back to your voice notes and listen to them again. Then again. And sometimes... again.
Bukan karena aku lupa kamu ngomong apa. Aku cuman kangen suara kamu, sayang. Sesimpel itu. Sometimes hearing you for a few seconds is enough to make the distance feel a little less annoying. I just want that familiar voice in my ears because it feels like having a tiny piece of you with me while I wait for you to come back.
Kalo kamu tahu seberapa sering aku bisa muter VN yang sama cuman karena kangen, mungkin kamu bakal ngetawain aku haha. But I don’t even care anymore. I like your voice that much.
Your kisses are an even worse problem.
Bby, you have genuinely spoiled me. Aku sekarang udah terlalu terbiasa dicium sama kamu sampe kalo gak dicium rasanya aku bisa langsung loyo. Suddenly I’m the saddest, most neglected person on earth, padahal masalahnya cuman satu: aku belum dicium haha.
And yes, I know I’m dramatic. But you started this. You’re the one who made your kisses feel this normal to me, so sekarang kalo jatah ciuman aku kurang ya aku merasa dirugikan. Fair enough, right?
Jokes aside, I love that I can miss something as simple as your kiss. I love that your affection still makes me this happy. Four months later and apparently I’m not becoming immune to you at all. Malah makin parah, sayang.
But there’s something I really need you to believe.
Every time you ask me, “Kamu bosen gak sama aku?” I always wonder what I did that made that question stay in your head. Because bby, if there’s one thing I wish I could make you completely sure about, it’s this. I’m not slowly getting tired of you. I’m not staying just because we’ve already come this far either. I’m still here because I still want to be here. With you.
The more familiar you become, the more I love having you around. The more I know you, the more things about you I end up loving. And the longer we do this, the less I can imagine going back to the version of my days where you weren’t the person I looked for.
Aku gak bertahan sama kamu cuman karena kita udah jalan sejauh ini. Aku masih disini karena memang masih mau kamu. Kalo semuanya diulang dari awal dan aku dikasih pilihan lagi, aku masih mau kenal kamu, masih mau jatuh cinta sama kamu, dan masih mau sampai dititik ini sama kamu.
Maaf ya sayang, kalo makin kesini aku malah makin sensitif sama kamu. Sometimes more jealous, sometimes more possessive, sometimes I care about things that probably shouldn’t even become such a big thing in my head. I know I can be a lot sometimes.
I think the scary part about loving you more is realizing that I also have more to lose now. Aku udah terlalu sayang sama apa yang kita punya. Aku udah terlalu nyaman punya kamu. Jadi kadang rasa pengen jagain semuanya itu bercampur sama rasa takut aku sendiri, dan keluarnya malah jadi aku yang terlalu sensitif.
But I’m learning, bby. I never want my fear of losing you to make you feel like you have less room to breathe. Because I don’t only want to love you a lot. I want to love you well. I want to protect what we have without making you feel trapped inside it.
Bby, if I could make you believe one thing without having to explain it over and over again, it would be this.
Aku gak capek SAYANG sama kamu dan aku juga gak pernah bosen sama kamu sayangku.
I’m still choosing you.
Sometimes I wish you could borrow my heart for a minute, bby. Not because I don’t know how to tell you that I love you, but because I don’t know if words can actually show you how far you’ve made your way into my life.
I know you still wonder sometimes if one day I’ll get bored, if being together this much will eventually make everything feel less special to me. But sayang, the opposite has been happening to me. The more familiar you become, the more I love having you around. Being comfortable with you hasn’t made you ordinary to me. It has made you feel like home.
So no, bby. Four months didn’t make me bored of you. Four months made me realize how much I would miss if you suddenly weren’t here.
Happy 4 months, Odie.
Thank you for these four months. For your time, your patience, your voice that I apparently can’t stop listening to, your kisses that have completely spoiled me, and even for all the ordinary moments that probably didn’t feel important when they happened. Somehow, those are the things that made you feel like such a big part of my life.
I don’t know exactly what every month after this will look like. We’ll probably annoy each other again. I’ll probably be too sensitive sometimes. You’ll probably ask me if I’m bored of you again, and I’ll probably complain because you haven’t kissed me enough hahaha.
But through all of that, I hope there’s one thing you never have to question.
I still want us.
Aku masih mau jalan lebih jauh sama kamu, sayang. Masih mau punya lebih banyak hari biasa atau bahkan special sama kamu, lebih banyak cerita random, lebih banyak VN yang nanti aku puter diam diam kalo kangen, lebih banyak ciuman yang pasti tetap aku bilang kurang, dan lebih banyak versi dari kita yang belum sempat kita kenal.
Because after four months, I still don’t feel like I’ve had enough of you. I still want more of your voice, more of your attention, more of your kisses, more of your stories, and more ordinary days where somehow just having you there makes everything feel a little better.
Four months down, and somehow my heart still hasn’t had enough of you.
I love you, Odie.
Happy 4 months to us. ♡
Giovanni